What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 17.06.2025 06:37
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She was in good health!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
What factors contributed to The Beatles' bitterness?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My life is so biszare .
I feel like my boyfriend doesn't love me. Why?
Put me off passion for life!!
I waited trembling.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
So whats the point in blame.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I said to her
What is the best way to end a relationship with someone who has future plans with you?
(And it was in our own minds.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What can anal toys bring to straight men?
And i lived it daily.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Would this be the day?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
How many boxes 600 x 400 x 200 go into a 20ft container?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was seconnd youngest,
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I was very sick at this time too.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I think the readers, may guess!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My family never makes their pension either.
We all went to grammer schools
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I write beautiful poetry .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She married twice! .
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
As i do to all so called friends.?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
We were not on the streets..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Why did i forgive my father ?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I will be 64.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I don,t even have a pension.
It was going to be , some day.
So, i spoilt her more .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She loved him until the end.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
But it wasn’t much.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Was to survive, this bastard.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
But, we were locked up after school.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Ive learnt so much.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She found it foreign!.
I could never make a relationship work though!
What did i know ?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
One cannot live in the past .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was 9 years of age.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He knew the spot.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
All the time i was locked up.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Comes on , in middle age.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
When she asked me how she looked .
I was scared of men, in general
I have no regrets .
Who then, do I blame.?
Im still living with it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is soul school!.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!